brokenbutterflies's Blog

I never thought i would feel this good about my self in my whole life. i really feel good about my self now.

I hate when i see kids at my school holding hands or kissing or hugging all up on each other. it just makes me depressed.  Because i just feel like i will never find anyone who will actually love me for me. My two friends are dating ( you know who you are) and it kinda saddens me...not because they are together but because they both have something i cant get. which is someone who loves them......  i cant get it from a boy or my own family. it hurts...it hurts a lot.  Like yesterday i was talking to my friend over the phone and she asked me out of random..." do you have a boyfriend yet?" i said no., and she just laugh at me. Im like thank you so much for making me feel so much better:(    today i watched my best friend who i really really like walk right past me kissing his girlfriend.  i said hey and he was like oh hey......id like you to met my girlfriend. i smiled and said hi and ect...then just walked away. i basically wanted to cry my eyes out. i could feel my heart being ripped out my chest.  but i just said to my self " dont think about it" " you'll find someone sooner or later" but the more i say it...the less i actually believe it:( 

I'm always thinking..."maybe im not pretty enough???"......"maybe im not skinny enough??" something like that is always going through my head when i see people holding hands or kissing or hugging each other. it even sucks more on valentines day. because my school does this thing when you can send a candy gram to someone you like.....and i remember last year this one guy i like sent me one. i was so happy. then at lunch when i went to go thank him he looked at me and turned to his friend and said " im going to fucking kill you".....apparently his friend sent that to me as a joke saying that the guy i liked really did like me back. which he didn't.